billy don't be a hero..

What if...

2012-01-09T22:05:00.001+08:00

A chameleon is colour blind?

Serena Williams...

2011-09-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

is either chronically stupid or she is a professional retard...

http://www.usopen.org/en_US/news/interviews/2011-09-11/201109111315783997209.html?promo=relatedcontent

enjoy...

i swear..

2011-05-24T23:08:00.001+08:00

will ferrel is actually chad smith...

i let out secrets like that...scary huh?

in the face of superiority...

2011-04-24T14:56:00.004+08:00

flee...

it's not cowardly, it's a strategy...

pause...

2011-04-24T14:55:00.000+08:00

is good...though it is rarely observed and practiced, well for me that's for sure....even media devices like ipods, CD players etc dedicates one button to both play and pause (knowing we rarely use the pause button).

taking a moment to pause and rethink helps give new perspective and ideas..it also helps you take a breather and reduces stress...

take a moment to pause amidst your business...

when you google my name...

2011-04-18T23:40:00.001+08:00

superman is the first search return...

no surprises there...

if all else fails...

2011-04-17T18:23:00.000+08:00

go with persistency...

the ratio should be...

2011-04-17T12:15:00.003+08:00

~~90% EQ, 10% IQ~~

91% EQ, 9% IQ

Lord..

2011-04-15T16:14:00.001+08:00

You are the constant factor and i am the dependent...

guys like it when...

2011-04-10T15:01:00.000+08:00

the girls are cheerleaders and not the coach....

like christmas in your mouth...

2011-04-04T22:55:00.001+08:00

you know it'll be a long night...

2011-03-23T18:21:00.001+08:00

when you see your manager walking back into the office at 6pm holding a burger in his hands...

2011-03-23T16:57:00.001+08:00

Matthew 19:26

i'm saving up for..

2011-03-22T00:52:00.001+08:00

the iphone 10..

pop quiz time!

2011-03-21T01:23:00.002+08:00

where on earth is the most dangerous place to be? and why?

i finally have an answer to the super deep "riddle" above.

Answer: Escalators

Why?: Because of the butt to face situation, with you having the "face" situation and the person in front of you the "butt" situation. Go figure.

however, on the flip side, where on earth is the most powerful place to be? and why?

Answer: As per riddle person.

Why?: i can't tell you the answer to everything.

PS: it has something to do with farting.

goodnight.

Lord..

2011-03-21T01:16:00.000+08:00

i am who i am because of who You allow me to be. because of who You will me to be.

i am who i am because of who You are. i am found in You.

i never want to take You for granted, never want to be ungrateful.

You are all i need.

all i know is...

2011-03-21T01:09:00.003+08:00

God is always in total control...thank you Lord...

Jeremiah 29:11

just because

2011-03-14T20:14:00.002+08:00

air stewardesses have name tags they think they are so cool...

as days go by...

2011-01-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

there are more issues/work to worry and take care of...

looking back, i realize how much i miss my schooling days...the days where my biggest worry is preventing others from tearing into my cubicle when i'm taking a shit...

i must remember to appreciate the present...

the amount of time my team spends...

2010-12-13T23:23:00.002+08:00

trying to get out of work they could have finished the work by now...

God is the superstar....

2010-12-05T13:18:00.002+08:00

and i'm the backup dancer...

happy to...

this is how Australians pronounce...

2010-12-01T20:06:00.000+08:00

No - Noi

Hello - Helloy

Stronger - Stronga

Better - Bedda

and they end every sentence with the word "ey"...

policemen always ask questions they already know the answer to...

2010-12-01T20:03:00.000+08:00

1. what seems to be the problem?

2. do you know the speed limit in this area?

3. do you know how fast you were going?

4. what is the purpose of the seatbelt?

my colleague is so annoying...

2010-11-25T11:03:00.002+08:00

i just wanna push her down the stairs..

today i have been...

2010-11-24T14:10:00.000+08:00

working with a lot of people from the generation x era and baby boomers...

all i can say is the following:

1. they are very serious
2. they type with their thumbs and only their thumbs

at work i go to the..

2010-11-23T16:07:00.002+08:00

pantry/kitchen alot...like alot...and everytime i'm there, the fat admin lady is there too...

she has amazing consistency...

2010-11-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

colleague: what is this number?

client: it's a balancing number.

me, colleague and client: hahahahahaha *wipe tears

accountants are freaks freaks.

i can confirm that this is a drug (the bad kind)..

2010-11-07T20:30:00.002+08:00

there is a difference between being involved and being committed..

2010-11-06T13:09:00.000+08:00

best illustrated with a plate of bacon and eggs...

the chicken was involved but the pig was committed...

today marks a milestone in my life...

2010-11-03T20:49:00.000+08:00

feels like i graduated from high school 10 times.

good times.

have you ever wondered...

2010-11-03T20:47:00.001+08:00

how your superior at work ever got to where he/she is?

i mean all he/she ever does is bloody play games all day, read the online papers, read out loud the latest sports scores and make jokes all day...

frustrating aint' it? well the truth is...

the more work you do, the more prone you are to making mistakes. The more you make mistakes the more incompetent you look (appearing as hard working only takes you so far right?).

hence the less work you do, the less prone you are to making mistakes and more like a hero you become. Just make sure that the little work you do is actually heroic.

it's so true that you can do a million good things, but what everyone remembers is that one bad thing you did.

moral of the story is play more games at work.

who thinks they can beat my Plant vs Zombies high score?

in order for you to know my story...

2010-11-03T20:40:00.002+08:00

i need to tell you about His..

2010-10-31T17:16:00.000+08:00

i am no pro when it comes to relationships...i still have plenty to learn and everyday i learn something new as i try to be a good partner...

over the years though i think i dare say this, the most important aspect i reckon is to treat your partner as your equal...with that comes respect...

if you ever start seeing your partner as your inferior, that's when problems may start and your relationship may be burdensome to you...somehow when this happens you tend to think you are always right and start disregarding their opinions...

just a reminder for myself really...

2010-10-30T22:11:00.002+08:00

today we went for a celebratory lunch because a few friends of mine passed their final professional paper on their way to becoming chartered accountants..

we decided to go to an irish pub...ironically i ordered chicken parmigiana which is more an italian dish..

when it came i swear the dish was twice my weight...the chicken parmigiana covered half the plate topped with marinara sauce and cheese...under it was a stack of beer battered fries and the side salad looked more like a rain forest...

i am known for not being able to finish my food but today my friend put a bet that i still won't be able to finish it...

boy did i struggle but it's amazing what money can make you do and how it can stretch you...

i cleaned that chicken parmigiana up with all the fries and the rain forest like it was my last meal...

more importantly i won the bet and saved 40% off my meal...

but you know who the real winner was?...the dish washer...he/she could just run the plate i just used under running water and it would look hell clean...i really did clean that plate up...

2010-10-28T22:16:00.002+08:00

have you ever wanted something so bad that when you eventually got it you couldn't let go of it?

then you came to realise that the one person you love the most also desperately wanted that same thing and you decided to make a sacrifice and gave that something to that someone..

how amazing would it be if the person you gave that special thing to accepts it, but then turns around and gives it back to you?

how would you feel? i reckon i would feel that that person chooses me over that "thing"..

God decided to put me in his shoes last night and got me thinking of the above after my daily conversation with Him..

He gave me a gift called "freewill" with no strings attached to choose and do whatever i want, but i decided to use that "freewill" to choose Him back unconditionally.

i'm glad i did.

disney cartoons..

2010-10-28T09:21:00.001+08:00

have set unrealistic expectations of love for girls...

let me tell you a secret...

2010-10-25T22:39:00.001+08:00

love is not a noun...it's a verb...

i promise...

button

2010-10-23T20:09:00.000+08:00

the other day i was putting on my work shirt in a rush...

by the time i reached the last button i realised that i have put the first button on my shirt wrong therefore all the other buttons have been placed wrongly...how annoying that was as i had to start from the beginning..

i thought about it later in the day and realised that the first button on my shirt is Jesus...i need to put Him correctly first everyday so that everything else falls into place...

insignificant significant

2010-10-23T19:57:00.002+08:00

do you know how much a billion is? to break it down, a billion is a thousand million. to further put it into perspective, in order to have $1 billion dollars, you need to save $1 million dollars a year for 1000 years...

scientists say there are about 125 billion galaxies in the observable universe (there is potentially more)...and in each galaxy there are about 100-1000 billion stars...

our galaxy is the Milky Way which has about 100-400 billion stars....the Sun is just one star out of the billions in the Milky Way in which our planet orbits...

scientists uses the analogy that our planet is smaller than a grain of sand on a beach...considering this, we are clearly an insignificant planet in the universe, barely even noticeable..

currently the population on our planet Earth is about 6.8 billion people. you and i are just a statistic that makes up the 6.8 billion.

the above thought came to mind when i was thinking about my place in this world...i came to realise how tiny and insignificant i am....would anyone even notice that i exist or when i am gone?...like vapour in the wind, here this second and gone the next...

i am amazed though that the God who created the whole universe, all 125 billion galaxies and more, the uncountable number of stars and planets and everything living and static knows and calls them all by name (Psalms 147:4).

what blows my mind is that He also calls me by my name (John 10:3, Isaiah 43:1-2).

He makes insignificant me, significant.

Work Tip 9

2010-10-23T19:25:00.000+08:00

working in the largest professional services firm in the world has made me realise that networking is of the utmost importance if you want to get ahead of the game..

technical skills are a given...

so you know that colleague of yours that annoys you because he sucks up so much? yeah the one who is less technically sound than you but always "lunches" with the boss and makes him laugh? you should start learning your colleagues' drink of choice and favourite take away.

don't say i never told you anything...

when someone vigilantly tries to convince you it's not...

2010-10-23T19:06:00.000+08:00

it usually is..

this got me when it was said in an australian accent...

2010-10-22T14:10:00.000+08:00

1 1 was a race horse. 2 2 was 1 2. 1 1 1 1 race, and 2 2 1 1 2.

Work Tip 8

2010-10-20T20:37:00.002+08:00

perfecting your fake laugh will take you a long way..

come on...

2010-10-17T16:26:00.001+08:00

whether the colour of your skin is white, black, yellow, brown or a combination of the aforementioned, we are all the same because:

our shit is still black.

stop being racist.

discuss.

old school is...

2010-10-15T23:23:00.000+08:00

guys who still wear swimming trunks...give them a chance...

you know what's hard?

2010-10-14T16:40:00.001+08:00

when you have your mouth full of water, a fully blocked nose and you suddenly realise you need to breathe..

when people keep complaining about their work...

2010-10-14T08:49:00.001+08:00

they either:

1. seriously hate it

2. secretly love it

which are you?

John Mayer is

2010-10-13T22:57:00.002+08:00

awesome times two.

losing control

2010-10-13T16:10:00.001+08:00

today i lost control.

i lost control when i accidentally farted out loud when i pee-ed. I usually let it out silently and sneakily but today was different. 0.5 seconds through my fart, i decided to let it out completely without holding back.

there were many other people in the toilet but i didn't care and acted like it was a normal thing. thank God i didn't follow through.

good times.

home

2010-10-13T14:46:00.000+08:00

is where your family is..

i am sitting...

2010-10-10T23:34:00.001+08:00

in T2 at Changi while staring out at planes landing and taking off....today i learn from observation that planes cannot reverse and can only move forward...

billy do not be a hero practises...

2010-10-10T23:31:00.001+08:00

super fast goodbyes...so fast i'm gone before you can even say "okthxbai".

because i hate goodbyes...

do you know how to spot people who can't count?

2010-10-10T17:43:00.001+08:00

check out the people queuing on the express lane the next time you grocery shop.

xoxo

my favourite subject in school was

2010-10-07T14:12:00.002+08:00

recess.

Work Tip 7

2010-10-06T16:38:00.001+08:00

Time to Kill:

i timed the following:

- a toilet run takes approximately 7 - 9 minutes on average (i go to the toilet approximately 6 times a day, 2 of which is essential)

- a coffee run takes about 5 - 10 minutes on average (depending on whether you're making instant or buying a real coffee. I make a coffee run about 4 - 5 times a day, 4 - 5 times of which is essential).

you do the math. that's how i keep rejuvenated throughout the day whilst avoiding work. i'm the man.

opposites attract

2010-10-05T19:17:00.001+08:00

have you ever noticed that the ugliest guys get with the prettiest girls?

thank God i'm ugly..

knapsack

2010-10-04T02:32:00.000+08:00

the way that teenage girl carried her knapsack reminded me of how i carried mine when i was in highschool...

the lower i let it sling on my shoulder the cooler i was...

another name for barbeque

2010-10-04T02:29:00.000+08:00

barbecuing in asia is called satay-ing.

wave

2010-10-04T02:26:00.001+08:00

for all the times that you faithfully bid and wave me farewell on your balcony...i am grateful for you and wanted you to know that...

glad we don't have to bid each other farewell no more...well soon enough...

dear brother..

2010-10-04T02:08:00.001+08:00

remember that the one who survives and succeeds the best is the one who can adapt the best..

one thing in common..

2010-10-04T01:50:00.000+08:00

working as an auditor in a Big Four gives me the privilege of walking in and out of big successful businesses whilst learning about their operations and how they run it...

on my flight home last night i had a think and thought to myself that there must be the 1 thing they all have in common that makes their businesses so successful...

i think i managed to unlock the secret 3/4 ways through the flight while watching beauty and geek:

- they all have super hot receptionists.

rewind and play

2010-10-02T07:03:00.000+08:00

so i was talking to a friend and he mentioned - if only life had a rewind, fast-forward, pause and play button, how much different life would be...

i agree...

i think that the only thing that will change is people's drive to give their best because people will be too reliant on second chances...

grieve

2010-10-01T21:25:00.003+08:00

my parents once told me this - "never hold grudges because the only one it's killing is you".

my parents are wise indeed..

family

2010-10-01T21:24:00.001+08:00

my parents once told me this - "your family will always rejoice with you in good times, and will be there to support you in the bad".

the above is the very definition and essence of a family member and cannot be more true.

therefore, some family members though are by title family, but in essence strangers.

ironic

2010-10-01T21:17:00.000+08:00

"believable bullshit"

yeah it is exactly like that

2010-09-30T21:16:00.003+08:00

remember how i have a Director who used to be in the army?

today 2 Partners, the army Director, 1 Senior Manager, 1 Manager and myself had to walk down the terrace for an Audit Committee Meeting...

this was the scenario when we were in the lift:

Us: *silence while staring at the advertisement in the lift TV.

Army Director: "feels like we are going for gang fight".

Us: *silence and continue staring at the TV.

he's quite right..

in the lift...

2010-09-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

everyone always checks and stare at their phones like they have awesome reception or something..

how to slow time down...

2010-09-30T20:59:00.000+08:00

1. get lost somewhere civil

2. make sure you can't find a toilet

3. get your bladder full

life isn't always fair

2010-09-30T20:58:00.000+08:00

goofy can talk but pluto can't...and donald duck never gets to wear pants...

living dangerously makes you feel alive

2010-09-30T18:27:00.001+08:00

Ashton Kutcher is farnee

2010-09-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry but i can't take Ashton Kutcher seriously even when he is seriously advocating for AIDS...

i can't tell if he's joking or being serious because he only has one expression...see how he screwed my mind over with Punk'd?

shit man...

moustache

2010-09-29T21:52:00.001+08:00

i would like to think that my tolerance level for looking at freaky things is quite freakishly high...

but girls with a visible moustache i cannot handle...

because you can..

2010-09-29T21:38:00.001+08:00

you know how girls who date rich guys always say "it's not because of his money"?

well of course it's always about the money! they only say that because they can..

similar case with rich kids...only they can say "i'm not rich, my parents are"...but deep down, they know they are too...

just keeping it real...

mirrors stare back at you

2010-09-29T21:34:00.001+08:00

today i found out that the lifts at my office building with mirrors for a door and everywhere else have cameras behind them...

i'm flashing back to all those times i was alone in the lift...great..just great..

moral of the story is - if there's a mirror there where a mirror shouldn't be, more often than not it is staring back at you...

untucked

2010-09-29T21:18:00.002+08:00

it's late in the office and i just un-tucked my work shirt..

i'm a rebel..

the other side

2010-09-27T19:58:00.002+08:00

today i stumbled over to the other side when i accidentally walked into the ladies...

nope there are no unicorns in there...

because..

2010-09-27T12:10:00.000+08:00

if you haven't figured it out yet, i work as a Chartered Accountant in one of the Big Four firms and i have a Director who used to be an army man...not sure what rank he was but i know he did the shouting so i think he had to be pretty up there i would imagine..

then i have a friend who decided to keep a beard (brown in colour by the way)...i personally think he is doing it to be noticed because he thinks he is cool like that...

well i think his plan worked...urmm...too well in fact...

This happened on Friday - 24th Sept 2010:

I was sitting right in front of the Director:

Friend: "Hey mate!" (he was saying that quite loudly to me because his beard isn't already attracting attention)

Director: "What the **** is that on your face!" (the Director stood up so fast and shouted i felt the aftershock)

Friend: *Stunned

Me: *Typing even faster

yeah because working at a Big Four is like working in the army..

being a burger

2010-09-26T23:29:00.001+08:00

was talking to my brother and he made me realize something and i read this somewhere:

"going to church does not make you more of a christian, just like going to McDonald's does not make you more of a burger.."

true that...

Work Tip 6

2010-09-26T22:08:00.003+08:00

Bringing Work Home:

always bring your work home (even though we all know you're not really gonna work)..

the thicker the pile of work under your arm the better...

PS: oh and make sure you bump into your boss on your way out...

When you first start dating...

2010-09-26T20:29:00.002+08:00

if you're a girl, you take 3 hours to get ready for a date when you usually only take 1...

if you're a guy, you stop your car by the side of the road on your way to picking up your date just to sneak in 30 push ups...

When you first start dating...

2010-09-26T20:27:00.002+08:00

you get weirdly disappointed when you get a text message and it is not the person you're dating..

When you first start dating..

2010-09-26T20:25:00.000+08:00

you can't keep your eyes off your phone just in case he/she called or messaged...

long way home

2010-09-26T20:21:00.001+08:00

i often take the long way home just because...

Trust vs Faith

2010-09-26T14:15:00.000+08:00

surely there must be a difference between having trust and having faith right?

1. Faith - does not have any element of uncertainty (interpreted from Hebrews 11:1)

2. Trust - just a synonym for "believe" (interpreted from Microsoft Word)

What's for lunch?

evian

2010-09-25T15:23:00.000+08:00

you know a bottle of Evian water can be pricey...it's just water...try spelling it backwards...i swear every bottle they sell they have a laugh..

Pet Hate 1

2010-09-24T20:03:00.000+08:00

As i walk into the lift:

Me: G'day boss. Nice tie.

Boss: G'day mate. Thanks.

Me: *silence

Boss *silence

bliss...

Work Tip 5

2010-09-24T19:42:00.000+08:00

First Impression

There is ultimate power in first impressions. If you get it right you live the dream. If you get it wrong, I'm sad to say it's a battle field out there.

If you decide to be awesome during your first encounter with your boss and set a good first impression, from then on you can do no wrong. Let me illustrate.

Scenario in lift:

Me: *fart with a smile on my face

Dude who thinks he is better than me: *looks at me and frowns

Boss: *looks at me

Boss: "Oi, what sick games are you playing? That fart isn't funny", whilst pointing at that Dude.

Lest he knows I made an awesome first impression when i made our boss an awesome cup of coffee on the very first day we met. Foam and all.

Who's your daddy now?

who holds the power?

2010-09-24T19:34:00.000+08:00

today a friend told me this - in a relationship, the one holding the power is the one who cares less..

clearly my friend has never truly loved or been loved being able to say that..

untouchable

2010-09-24T19:29:00.000+08:00

a girl/guy always wants the guy/girl they know they can't get..

see - saw

2010-09-24T13:10:00.000+08:00

I always lose at see-saw despite all my training..

secrets

2010-09-24T11:45:00.000+08:00

everyone has a secret...it's whether it is dirt-eh and lil'..

if you say you don't then you're lying..i see right through you like that..

pencil case

2010-09-24T00:20:00.000+08:00

even inanimate objects can teach us a thing or two if we let them...

i was looking for an eraser in my pencil box and noticed the following - everyone is a different colour, some are longer, some just leaks all the time, some just refuses to work, some are more worn out than others but guess what...they all have to learn to live in the same box...

we should too...

nods

2010-09-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

so today i learned that the person who is most clueless about what you're talking about is the one nodding the hardest..

Work Tip 3

2010-09-22T23:39:00.001+08:00

always have a messy desk..nuff said..

pray

2010-09-22T23:34:00.000+08:00

lately I am finding that I have so little time in a day that I just need to take some time to pray...

perspective

2010-09-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

my pa once told me this:-

everyone can see a mad man on the street and say he is mad...but to the mad man, everyone else is also mad..

see...life is all about perspective...

moral of the story is everyone should invest in some mints sometime...especially if you tend to talk alot...

hide and seek

2010-09-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

it's late and my office pass decided to play hide and seek...only problem is I think tonight it is bringing its A game..

curry

2010-09-21T13:15:00.000+08:00

japanese curry on an olive green tie doesn't really show..

performance anxiety

2010-09-20T14:15:00.000+08:00

I hate it when i bump into my boss in the hall way on my way to the toilet.

I hate the fact that he starts talking to me about work on my way to the toilet.

I hate the fact that he then follows me into the toilet whilst still talking about work.

I hate the fact that he then takes the stall next to me and acts like it's all cool because this is normal whilst still talking about work.

It gives me performance anxiety right there.

Work Tip 2

2010-09-20T12:24:00.001+08:00

Frowning:

Try frowning every time your boss walks by because the following is what it portrays:

1. I am deep in thought so don't bug me (while you're actually thinking about lunch)

2. I am in a bad mood so stay the hell away from my face

3. I need to do a number 2

Optimal Use: Variable depending on how frequent your boss makes his round

Upside: 77% success rate

Downside: Wrinkles

You can't see it, but i am frowning right now like there's no tomorrow while i type this.